Lately I have been seeing a lot of memes about Barack Hussein Obama being the key to eternal damnation. Really? Is this because he is the Anti-Christ?
Courtesy of Good Drawers.com
Pictured: Having a smoke while comtemplating whether to bang your mom BEFORE or after he takes over the world.
Because, u know, I haven't seen any direct mentions of that lately, but the scary quote from the book of revelations (more on that later) seems to imply so, and. I suppose that could just go without saying, cuz, well, DUH the Anti-Christ is the key to eternal damnation
Souls taste best with a glass of milk.
But I think the real reason they dont give a reason is they dont have a reason. Obama failed at being the Anti-Christ, failed hard, and Im not the only other one who has noticed. Cracked.Com Why has Obama officially failed at being the Anti-Christ? The 46 prophesies of the book of Revelations has 46 prophesies (duh) prophesying (once again, duh) the rise and fall of the Anti-Christ. 4 out of 5(dentist recommend trident) of those prophesies name some very specific stuff, stuff that seems kind of important, like very specific times lines to start his reign of terror. If you wanna read them all
1.He is supposed to strengthen a covenant for a seven year time span. Now, yes, the government could be looked at as a covenant. But last time I checked, he hasn't ruled over it with strength and absolute power. Now, what he was supposed to do with the mess he was given could be tossed out there, but he is supposed to strengthen his covenant, so sounds to me as if he was meant to come into a cluster fuck in the first place. He should of had his evil ass better prepared.. He only gets 8 years, max, taking control as President of the United States, so hes a bit behind schedule, if you ask me.
2 and 3. He will arise among 10 kings, and then uproot 3 of those ten specifically to gain power. How on earth does he fit that description? There has been more than 10 presidents. There are more than 10 nations with rulers. There are a lot more than 10 nations in the United Nations. And he didnt uproot anyone to get into power. We elected him in. You could argue that in modern terms, he uprooted someone by beating them in an election, but come on, even republicans have to admit, Sara Palin uprooted McCain.
4. His 10 nation union will merge into a world government that he will dominate. Hell, hes having trouble dominating the United States, much less 10 nations.
He did of course manage to fufill one of them admirably. He is a man. Good job Barack. Im proud of you.
After these first 5, very specific prophesies, there are a bunch of nice, generic ones that prophesies are more known for. Such as he will be the 7th king in power (wait, I thought he rose among 10 kings?) and people are taking the word king to mean 7 world governments that have ruled. They say so far there have been 6.
1. Egypt. 2. Assyria. 3. Babylon. 4. Medo-Persia. 5. Greece. 6. Rome. So... anyone in power in the US could be qualify, right? Or Germany. Or Russia. Or China. Any one of these countries could qualify. All have been world powers at some point, and even had plans for world domination. All they need is the right leader to strengthen them back up over a seven year span. My favorite is 'he will understand puzzling things'. Well, hell. M good at puzzles and riddles, and situations that are baffling in general....OMG I might be the Anti-Christ! After these nice, easy to apply to whomever you want prophesies, we get another, very specific one, that basically says he will dominate the world after 3 1/2 years, after he confirms the covenant (takes power with strength and give his nation prosperity and peace) and then rule for 42 months after this. Well, he passed the 3 1/2 year mark. Last time I checked, the world was still being ruled by the same old, bitchy people as always.Our nations still at war, and Im no richer than I was when he took office.
Any of the prophesies after that do not apply, for they talk about what he will do once he takes over the world. Which Obama has yet to do in the very specific time table allotted to him. Which has forced, Im sure, even the most die hard Anti-Christ theory fan to admit that if he is, in fact, the Anti-Christ, hes pretty terrible at the job, and that we could probably take him with a few crucifixes and a vial of holy water. So they have decided that he is instead just... what exactly, bad for your soul? Thats it. He is like a Big Mac for your soul, clogging its heavenly passages with his quiet evil. I see, 'If you vote for Obama, God will forsake you, for you have forsaken him' everywhere, admittedly most of them are making fun of it, but thats just cuz thats the kind of friends I keep.
I recently recieved a super secret, top secret recorded conversation between two men making plans to warn the world and save our souls.." So everyone is forsaking God by voting for Obama, but why, master, why? We know he is evil, but cannot prove it credibly. We can try to tell them its because he is the Anti-Christ, but, inevitably, some spoilsports, probably potheads and loose women, are going to point out that he sucks at his job, and anyways, God and the Devil are gonna have it out at the end of of the Anti-Christ's reign on earth, and Gods gonna win (the prophesies say so), so some will think that maybe God WANTS us to vote in the Anti-Christ, he is pretty mad at us apparently for all our homosexual behavior and abortions, and this way, he will finally gets to meet the Devil at the playground at 3:00 and lay the infamous almighty smack down on him, so wont they want to vote for him to help God out?"
"Thats right Harvey. We cant mention the Anti-Chirst thing anymore, Cant risk good hearted Christians voting Obama in trying to help God out and bring on the Big Fight. Thats a one way ticket to hell, we have to save those poor poor, naive people. We just wont explain our knowledge. It will make it seem more heaven like anyway, God never explains himself."
"But we arent God Master, those loyal to the Lord may wish to know how we came about such knowledge."
"*Gasp* That would be them asking for a cause for the effect Harvey, you blasphemous fool! *smack* Thats SCIENCE! *voice fades, as they leave the mics range* Witchcraft I tell you, WITCHCRAFT!"
Disclaimer:This conversation MAY not of actually happened this way
Seriously, not one of these messages gives us a good reason as to HOW we are forsaking God by voting for Obama. They quote a scary passage from the book of revelations, but what the hell kind of explanation is that? All that is referring to is the book God has that has the names of the righteous in it, The Book Of The Dead, which has a partner book in which he has written the names of the unrighteous, The Book Of The Dead, and on judgment day, the dead will stand before him and he will judge you based on which book your name was written in, the damned will be tossed into the lake of fire after they are judged. Um. Ok. But once again, WHY is my name being recorded into the book of the dead for voting for Obama? Call me crazy, but if Im gonna be forsaking my soul by voting for door number 1 vs door number 2, I would like a damn good reason, just for my own personal knowledge. Like dancing. God frowns on it BECAUSE its too close to fornicating. Or good old fashioned fornication, for reasons other than creating life of course, BECAUSE pleasure is a grave grave sin. Writing 'God will forsake you if you vote for Obama, for you are forsaking him" is not descriptive enough. I suppose you assume the uninformed will just blindly say, 'Ok, cool! Thanx for the warning man!", but the rest of us are dying to know. 'Why is Obama soul cholesterol?"... OMG I GOT IT! Its because he is black with a foreign name, isnt it?!! Admit it, come on, you're among friends. God hates black men with foreign names, doesn't he?
KKK, the official sponsors of the 'Save our souls movement".
